im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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