i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
