what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
