i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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