My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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