Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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