Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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