I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
only you would photoshop your dick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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