.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
