Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sex in a hospital.. check
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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