This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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