Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I cannot find my penis.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
