You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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