Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
