I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
