Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
