if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
