this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
