i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
