chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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