why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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