I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
