The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
