You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
