I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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