Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
