fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
