im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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