I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
