4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
