Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
