I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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