i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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