it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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