Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
