yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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