im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
