Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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