I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish my penis had an off switch
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
