Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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