You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
