Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Drunk is not a location!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
