its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
