He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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