just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
