just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
