my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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