well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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