she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
