we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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