alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
