you win again, gameday.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
