And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
