remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
